7 Ways
to Communicate Effectively
According
to Dale Carnegie, author of the book How to Win Friends and
Influence People, 85% of success on the job is due to one’s
ability to lead people and personality. Only 15% of success
is due to one’s technical knowledge (18). Therefore,
the ability to communicate with people is vital from engineering
to business, and is essential in increasing your success
tremendously. For this reason, having proper communication
skills is not something you should leave to chance in your
business career, as well as in your personal life. So following
are seven ways/tips that will help you to succeed in communicating
with others.
1.
Have self-worth
It’s
impossible to communicate effectively unless you feel valuable
yourself. With self-worth you can move mountains. Without
self-worth you’ll be trudging between the valleys.
If you don’t feel good about yourself and about what
you’re doing, or if you don’t have self-confidence,
then how could one make someone else feel good and confident
about themselves?
2.
Get interested in other people
I
know this ‘way’ may sound like a paradox but
it’s not. You would think that you have to be interested
in other people in order to want to talk to them. However,
most people when they speak are plainly interested in themselves
and in what they have to say.
The
only reason to have a conversation should be to have some
sort of exchange. Although we’re not talking money
all the time, there should be an exchange such as love, friendship,
caring, companionship, etc. The main reason most people don’t
communicate effectively and don’t get anything out
of their conversations is that they overly-concentrate on
the getting and not the giving.
Article
continues below
3.
Open up a person’s heart
This
can be done in five ways. (1) Ask probing open-ended questions.
What made you get into the field you’re currently in?
What do you like to do? What’s on your mind? How was
your week? How was your day? These are all questions you
should ask. Don’t just ask obvious questions, ask less
obvious personal questions, that really will get them thinking
and relating to you. The more, you open up their heart and
yours, the more they’ll want to be with you, help you,
buy products from you, etc. Warning: Don’t just ask
questions. Interject some of your own comments, opinions
and especially life experiences. If you don’t interject
some of your own comments, they will feel annoyed as they’ll
think you’re interviewing them.
(2)
Compliment them. Tell them things like you look great. You
do a great job; you’re a great writer, composer, pianist,
waiter, waitress, etc. (3) Remember a person’s name
and say it often. A person’s name is one of the first
words a baby hears. Therefore, a person’s name is magic
to his or her ears. (4) Smile. (5) Use humor.
4.
Listen at least two times more than you talk
You
were given two ears and one mouth for a reason. You should
be listening twice as much as long as you speak. Part of
listening effectively means asking follow-up questions. Asking
follow up questions shows the other person that you’re
listening effectively. For instance, if a person tells you
they’re in a band, you can ask them what instrument
they play, where they play, how often they play, how they
like it, etc. A lot of times, we are so much in our own heads,
thinking about what to say next, when the next question is
right in front of us – if we only listen.
5.
Diversify yourself
Try
doing different things such as sports, dancing, volunteer
work, reading, etc. This will give you subjects to talk about
with people as well as chances to meet people, sans reading,
but you can join a reading group. Being diversified will
overall make you more charming. Lastly, being diversified
also gives you a form of status. People generally like people
who are active, not someone who just sits on his couch all
day.
6.
Understand that your worth never changes
If
I had a million dollar check and I were to crumble it up,
you would still want it. If I were to then put it on the
floor put grease on it and proceed to step on it, you would
still want it. My friend, you are worth much more than a
million dollars.
Whenever
you go into a conversation, you are worth over a million
dollars. When you step out of the conversation, out of the
date, or out of the sale whether won or lost, you are still
worth over a million dollars. Your internal worth never changes.
Therefore, never be afraid to take risks, and work outside
of your comfort zone as far as engaging in conversations
is concerned. No matter what, your own internal $1,000,000+
worth never changes.
7.
Follow the step-ladder to success
You
can read this article and theorize all day with friends about
proper communications, but until you get up ‘on bat’ or
initiate a conversation, you’re not progressing. Think
of a heavyweight boxer, before challenging the champ, he’s
got to beat the contenders. The contenders or low-rank fighters,
give a boxer the experience and self-confidence he needs
to face the champion. The same thing goes with communications,
in order to talk to that top-level executive, or get that
perfect date, you have to have the experience and self-confidence
which comes from talking to your second choice of date, or
low-level manager. Of course, if you don’t try at all,
you won’t go anywhere either, so you must have the
attitude of try, try, try, and not succumb to fear.
---
Word
of warning, with this knowledge you must not tell people
what to do. Doing this will ultimately alienate people from
you. Instead, be humble with this knowledge, don’t
let people know you know it, but like Benjamin Franklin would,
practice these virtues or ‘ways’ daily. The key
word here is practice. You can theorize all day but until
you practice these skills, you will not see any results or
grow any bigger as a person. Like in school, you had textbook
classes and laboratory classes. You better get out of the
textbook and apply these ideas in the lab, in this case,
in this laboratory called life.
Carnegie,
Dale. (1981). How to Win Friends and Influence People. United
States. Simon and Schuster.
Pablo
Golub is the author of the book It's All a Damn Game which
can be purchased at http://www.7-Ways.com
By
Pablo Golub
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